What is grief?
Guest post by CK Malone, Read Your World Bronze Sponsor 2024
What is grief?
Grief is defined as coping with loss. This doesn’t only mean someone passes on and you are left without them, left with a memory. Grief can mean the loss of a friendship, the loss of a job, and, even, the loss of oneself.
For so long, I thought “grieving” meant someone had to die in order for me to say I was in this place. When COVID happened, however, I learned a new definition of grief.
During COVID, I was “outed.” This means someone shared my identity and/or sexuality without my express consent. I felt safe being under the radar since I decided not to be “out” when I began my first GSA in 2014 since it reopened past-trauma. Once I was outed, online existence with students who had never met me became almost impossible. Parents refused to have their students learn from me just in case I was indoctrinating them into being LGBTQIA2S+. I began to question my abilities as a teacher. I began to question my abilities as a mentor teacher. I began to question if I should just be what people say is “normal.”
I grieved.
I grieved the loss of the right to be who I fought all these years to be and to become. It was absolutely heart-wrenching and I hit the lowest of lows during this time. I confided in a fellow writer-friend about being Intersex and all the confusion that comes with it, and that friend only turned it into being about themselves. Then, when I got upset, that writer friend ghosted me.
I grieved again.
I grieved the loss of a friend I thought had my back. I fought for this friend so many times. Whatever this friend needed, I provided two-fold. It was harrowing and heart-breaking. I didn’t know if I could go on and stopped writing for a bit.
I hugged my dog a bit tighter.
I hugged the peeps in my house more.
Then, I began to hug myself.
Grief is both a terrible and wonderful feeling. It can drive you to madness or cause you to walk on, a bit taller and a bit stronger. I am proud to say that, today, Grief does not control my thoughts or actions. I gave it permission and then I decided to deny it as the dictator of my life. Grief and I can be friends, we always will be. Grief will be a companion in the story of my existence more than I can imagine.
BUT.
I will always be the one to initiate the break-up.
About the author:
CK (they/them) is super proud of being a Bigender (technically born Intersex) Neurodiverse kidlit author and MTSS teacher at the secondary level. When not helping students or writing, they’re busy helping design culturally and LGBTQIA+ responsive units for the district or coaching and advising through alignment with the Genders and Sexualities Alliance Network. They also enjoy speaking, teaching, cooking, singing, learning the language of their grandmother, playing music, and shooting hoops with students.
Connect with them on their website or on Facebook and Twitter.
About Popi’s All Souls Song
Every year on All Souls Day, Mara and her grandparents visit homes in their neighborhood to bring comfort and a song to those mourning the death of a loved one. But this year, Mara and Nene have lost Popi. As Nene leads Mara through their yearly ritual, Mara compares her own grief to that of each neighbor they visit. Then she catches sight of the frozen tears on Nene’s face.
Setting aside the bitterness icing her heart to help her beloved grandmother, Mara rekindles Popi’s song and brings her community together to honor him.
Popi’s All Souls Song is a poignant, timeless story with luminous art, drawing readers into the realization that no person’s loss or grief is bigger or more important than anyone else’s. And when we bring comfort to others, we experience comfort ourselves.
